The Bottom Lands

Lately (actually pretty much forever) I’ve had several serious questions floating around my mind.  Like, what do I do with my life?  Where should I go?  What is my purpose?  What will make me happy?  What used to make me happy?

These are all loaded questions but the last is deceitfully easy to answer.  The physical past is already set in stone but our perceptions of the past are so unique to our own individual feelings that our memories themselves are susceptible to change.  I’ve been thinking how memory and nostalgia trick us into retreating into the past and how we try to relive the glory days where everything was perfect and pain never existed.  When we see pictures of the past everything is in it’s rightful place and we can almost experience that perfect hazy glow.  I have a motto that I often chant to myself when I’m longing for that perfect time and place I once experienced: “no no nostalgia.”  It’s a reminder that the perfect idea of the past is only an idea. It’s a reminder that the experience of an ideal memory can’t be realized and that malleable memories should not be used to decide how we live out our futures.

P.S.  I want to be considered a professional artist.  I want to make music videos.  I want to be a photographer.  I want to master silk screen printing (by the end of the weekend Goddammit).  I want to live in the middle of the desert and in the middle of the city.  I want to live next to the ocean and in the forest.  I want to travel to Japan and Europe.  I want to grow a garden.  I want to make my own beer.  I want to get an ipad and make illustrations with it.  I want to buy a motorcycle and ride it everyday.  I want to go to grad school.  I want to play more video games and watch more movies.  I want a Kinect so I can hack it.  I want to read more books.  I want to become a better writer.  I want to meditate daily.  I want to make enough money so that I can donate to educational causes.  I want to teach.  I want to cook everyday and eat 100% healthily.  I want to improve my abilities in swimming, biking and running.  I want to be a designer/illustrator.  I want to own my own business.  I want to learn more history and geography.  I want to camp and hike in the Grand Canyon.  I want to ride my bicycle across the state.  I want to own an RV and travel the U.S. with no limitations and at the same time I want to buy an old crappy house that I can renovate and settle down in.  I want to have kids that grow up to be just like me or completely the opposite but still turn out to be good people with full lives.  I want to be a leader and live an ambitious, exciting and influential life.  I want to live a quiet, peaceful, secluded life where I learn to play an instrument in the wild and walk with my pet dog in the mountains with nobody except Liz around to distract me.

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  1. Sigh. Well said. I completely get what you mean; I want to do everything and nothing all at the same time. HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

    • Imagination perhaps? I know, the amount of possibilities are exciting while also a little dismaying. Like when you are in the cereal aisle at the grocery store and you wish someone could just pick which brand of oatmeal you should eat.

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